Best Man's Speech
by Ceris Malfoy
Summary: Another Challenge response. It kinda sucks, but oh well. Read and hopefully enjoy.


**Third Floor Corridor Fanfiction Challenge #1: "_Ron and Hermione are getting married. Now it is the reception, and Harry must give his speech for the couple, as Ron's Best Man, and a best friend to the couple._" This is a fic for that challenge. I hope you enjoy.**

**DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter, and all related elements, does not belongto me.

* * *

**

**Best Man's Speech**

_**One-shot**_

By: Ceris Malfoy

* * *

Harry shifted nervously as he waited for his turn to speak. God, he was nervous. He turned his green eyes towards his friends, and the sick feeling in his stomach intensified. Oh God, if he screwed this up...He took a deep breath. He had asked Remus about how to give a speech like this, and Remus had coached him everything he needed to know as best he could, but alot of this particular speech could not be made up by another.

At last it was his turn. Taking a deep breath, praying to every deity he could name, and quite a few that he could not, he stood and gestured for silence. He quietly observed them all, before cracking an easy-going smile, and forcing himself to relax.

"Hi. In case you missed the ceremony, I'm the Best Man, and I've been asked to deliver a wedding reception speech. You'd think, wouldn't you, that the Best Man would be the Groom, but that's not the way it works. You know, I've known the groom for many years now, and I admit that there has always been a certain competitive edge between us, so I can't resist pointing out that today I am undeniably the Best Man. I mean, isn't a groom someone who cleans up the stable?" He shook his head in disbelief as people laughed. "But shoot. It is absolutely clear to everyone here that whatever my illusions may be, RON is the Luckiest Man. He, after all, just married HER. And she is really something. I know. I have to be candid here; after all, I'm the Best Man." He gulped, but continued. "I flirted with her for years, sometimes right in front of him. Who could resist? Well, Hermione could. And how can I complain? She's always treated me like a brother. So, Sister, thank you for knowing exactly how to handle my admiration. Now I get to be a part of your life with my best friend, forever. And unlike my best friend, I won't have to do the dishes after eating with you."

More appreciative laughter.

"Now. Ron. It's time for us to talk. I thought we might have this important little tete a tete earlier, but this will have to do. This may not be the most private tete a tete, especially since I believe the whole reception is being videotaped, but among friends, who needs secrets? And despite the fact that you have been scrambling to connect names and faces and amusing anecdotes about distant relatives all day, we ARE all your friends here, your support staff and your confidantes. And while we are on the subject of confidentiality, I want to assure you that I have never divulged to ANYONE, least of all Hermione, what you told me that first night you met her; I value your friendship that much, man." Ron blushed and waved a fist in Harry's general direction, while Hermione looked on curiously, and others whispered knowingly.

"I know. Perhaps you doubt my experience, question whether I am the right man to deliver this wedding reception speech, an important talk about your impending responsibility as a man with the inordinate good fortune to marry this beautiful, witty, accomplished and totally awesome woman. Which reminds me of how Harpo Marx's associate Oscar Levant scolded him when Harpo was debating getting married: 'Harpo, she's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one.' Ron, she is the loveliest person you could ever hope to find beside you. Marry her, before she comes to her senses!" More laughter, and Harry was starting to relax under all those stares.

"Truth be told? I believe Hermione has found a good husband, and a potentially good father. Why, I have hardly succeeded in luring Ron into any considerable mischief since he started going out with her. Even when she's away, does he go out with me till daybreak, does he risk life or limb or reputation as I constantly invite him? No." Harry shook his head in mock regret. "He stands around a lot, gazes out the window, and stares into space. Paces. Waits for her to call or come home. Checks his e-mail obsessively. Once I actually found him flipping through the pages of a cookbook, mind you, looking for something special he could make for her first meal when she got back to town! I think he is ready to have her in his life constantly. She is already in his mind constantly. They may as well earn the tax deduction. And, Hermione, who else are you going to be able to find who knows every trick in the book, and be able to catch any future children when they try them? I mean, seriously, look at his brothers."

Harry laughed as the twins stood up and proceeded to bow.

"And, Hermione, what of you? Are you ready for him? I have lived with him longer than anyone except his parents and siblings, you know, and it has not been entirely easy. He has a lot of annoying habits, which I suspect are either the fault or chagrin of his mother. You will probably want to have a heart-to-heart with her sometime soon, if you haven't already. He does these totally bothersome things like cleaning up AS he cooks! I mean, what person in his right mind cooks AND cleans! The rule is, I believe, if you cook, you don't have to clean. That's the trade-off, right? But he does both. And sometimes, if he's baking, he washes everything so promptly he actually forgets the most important element of baking: the offering of the beaters to lick! You are going to have to put up with this, and a lot more. He gets up obnoxiously early to run. The guilt this lays on housemates is incredibly heavy and almost unforgivable. He irons. He's a fanatic about recycling. He's unforgivably brilliant at chess. It is mind boggling that I am here today instead of lying on the couch at my psychiatrist's, for that is how damaged my ego is after living with him all these years. And his Quidditch obsession! Do you think you can deal with this? Rumor has it you may actually be worse than him in some of these regards, that you run further, not only recycle but re-use, and bake better. I will forgive all these flaws and more if you will only save me the batter beaters to lick, OK? And don't worry. My shrink is really quite reasonably priced. Oh. And just as an aside, just between you and me, what Ron said about you the night he first met you? He sashayed into the apartment like he actually knew how to dance and I swear there was more starlight in his eyes than in the sky, and he said, 'I'm going to marry her, pal; I'm going to marry her.'"

Soft coos and 'aww'ing sounds from the crowd as Ron blushed and ducked his head, Hermione's gaze soft as she watched him.

"Ron and Hermione, I have had the endless pleasure of knowing both of you well and now here you are, married, pledged to stay together for the rest of your whole lives, and I have only one thing really to say to you: I am so relieved. You will be together forever, and I will always knock on just one door to one home to find my two best friends. I have blurted out the last confidence I owed to just one of you; from now on my loyalty is to you both, together, always. I love you guys. Be good to each other; be, both of you, strong and sweet and true."

Harry smiled at his best friends. "A toast, my friends, to this marvelous couple." When everyone raised their glasses, he raised his, and shouted above all the cheers, "Congratulations, and good luck!"

He sat back down, and watched his two best friends, and smiled. No matter how dark the past, the future seemed bright enough to look forward to.

* * *

**So? What you think? Read and review.**


End file.
